Alone in the Dark

Discussion in 'Reader Reviews' started by Tien21, Jan 30, 2005.

  1. Tien21

    Tien21 Guest

    Alright, so I actually went to see Alone in the Dark on opening day. I couldn't help but notice that there were only 3 other people in the theatre besides me and a few of my friends. At first I felt bad because me and my friends were laughing, and I thought that might be anoying the only other 3 people in the theatre. Then I realised that they are probably sleeping anyway...
    Beware of spoilers

    The movie starts out with a 10 minute scrolling text explaining the movie, alone with a very anoying voice over. I had my first laugh right there. Then the first scene in the movie is a cab chase where Christian Slater is being followed by another cab. Eventually the cab catches up and crashes into Christians cab. I'll refer to him as Carnby from now on since that is his name in the film. Anyway, after the crash Carnby's cab driver looks pretty beaten up, and the other cab is backing up for another hit. Now listen to this. Carnby tells his driver to "stay there!" and jumps out of the window in some slow motion martial artsy type of way while just letting the cab get run into again! Some guy he is! Then we see a lame ass fight scene with Carnby and the possesed cab driver in some back ally of some city which is never named. A city which boll seems to like a lot, considdering how many shots of it he took from above. Anyway during this fight we see Carnby fire a shot at the bad guy and (WHAT?!) it doesnt phase him. Then we see another bullet time shot to the heart, and of course it doesnt do anything. I did like the bullet time though, it was a step up from the one in House of the dead. He kills the guy by impaling him with some metal rod, and I remember my friends and I saying how we wouldnt be surprised if he got up again. Lets just say that the movie is pretty much downhill from here.
    It's very hard for me to explain the rest of the movie because it didn't make very much sense. I will just run through it for you. A box is on a boat and it is probably being shipped to the museum Tara Reids character is working. The people on the boat open it and it unleashes a monster. Later in the movie we have some wacko scientist that yells at Tara for letting them open the box. I don't know how he got the idea she did it because she wasnt on the boat, and she didnt directly say to open the box. Whatever. This movie sucks. I liked the effects somewhat, and thats all. Tara Reid sounded like she was reading from a cue card. Christian Slater had this confused face on the whole time.....

    I'm sorry but I am getting a migrain talking about this so called movie. The worst part I have to say is the plot, followed by the acting, followed by everything else. I somewhat enjoyed it because I was laughing the whole time. I am gonna buy it just for laughs. Sorry this wasnt a good review but you get the point. If you ever want to talk to me about it feel free. I'll ramble on to you about everything you want to hear.
     
  2. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    This was a very good review because it told me just what I wanted to hear, aka was it so bad I would laugh at it, like House of the D ead. Now that I know that, I will for sure get the dvd. Probably soon too, as this movie is not even in this weekend's top 12 movies. Ouch.
     
  3. fceurich39

    fceurich39 Well-Known Member

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    I Will Wait For Dvd
     
  4. Hellbilly

    Hellbilly Active Member

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    Sounds like another Boll winner to me. Thanks for the review, I'll be getting the DVD when available :)
     
  5. maskull

    maskull I finally got an avatar!!! Yay!!

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    sounds great!! can't wait for the DVD!
     
  6. Tien21

    Tien21 Guest

    I agree. I love "It's so bad it's good" movies and I'll be buying this as I did with House of the Dead. Its hillarious people. I remember turning to my friend to say something and I looked up and I starting laughing so hard I cried for one scene that takes place on a boat.
     
  7. shift

    shift Hot as shit!

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    Shit!!!
     
  8. Salty

    Salty Guest

    I would say a movie like Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama is so bad it's good. I barely made it 20 minutes into HOTD. The whole tacky MTV preppy rave thing must go. Shame on you for feeding the fire.
     
  9. MrVess

    MrVess Guest

    #9 now: http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom

    122 imbeciles catapulted it there from yesterday's #7.

    I wonder if Boll is the first "director" with two entries in this wonderful collection? "Bloodrayne in Name Only" will likely join these two soon.
     
  10. Grim

    Grim Well-Known Member

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    This movie was flat out rediculous and I got quite a few chuckles out of it.My favorite scene was after Slater and Reid's implied love-making session. They're just sitting there, then suddenly monsters burst in, then Stephen Dorff and his cronies, and they all engage in battle inside of Slater's abnormal, mansion-sized apartment. All the while being accompanied by a crappy heavy metal song.
     
  11. allmessedup

    allmessedup It's beer time.

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    Sounds good to me!

    Another thing I liked about HOUSE OF THE DEAD....it had one of the bounciest performances since Jessica Biel! I don't know the character's name or who the actress was, but who cares!
     
  12. Guyver99

    Guyver99 Member

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    Uwe Boll for President!
     
  13. Now that is scary :nervous:
     
  14. MrVess

    MrVess Guest

    And the hilarities continue...

    http://www.boll-kg.de/sonstiges/kritiken_aitd_5.htm

    Yes, Boll is now desperately posting any e-mails containing even borderline positive opinions of his film. Of course, when one's film receives literally 99% of reviews stating "AWFUL!", one probably has to resort to such means...

    If someone feels like it, why not send the man a "positive review" with some hidden jokes, so that he publishes it and even more hilarity shall ensue? Do something simple - I'm sure he wouldn't even notice this: "Your film was a magnificent ride, and I cannot find enough positive adjectives to describe it - it was suspenseful, horrifying, involving, thrilling!"

    (^- Explanation for Uwe or for the extremely unobservant: "it was s.h.i.t.")
     
  15. shift

    shift Hot as shit!

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    Well it is on DVD tomorrow. So who's all gettin it ? :D
     
  16. life_o_petey

    life_o_petey Guest

    i hope no one wastes their money on this. I love cheesy movies, but i can't put into words how completely unentertaining this movie was.
     
  17. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    I am going to get it for sure, but I will wait for the used DVD prices to drop to really cheap first. I wouldn't miss this though, as there is a Boll commentary after all.
     
  18. badnewsbrown

    badnewsbrown Guest

    .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2006
  19. shift

    shift Hot as shit!

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    this is funny,. lol
     
  20. bigwes15

    bigwes15 Active Member

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    I hate to admit this, but I may just get it. I did enjoy House of the dead even though it was complete crap. However, that one did have one of my favorites (Clint Howard) and some decent gore. Is Alone gory at all? As I recall, the rating only had "violence" listed and not a stronger warning. Of course, House of Wax had a listing of "horror violence" and was plenty juicy.
     

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