Breeders (1986)

Discussion in 'Reader Reviews' started by Hellbilly, Apr 6, 2003.

  1. Hellbilly

    Hellbilly Active Member

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    There is an alien on the lose in New York City and he is raping young virgins.
    His plan is to impregnate women so he can take over the universe with their offbreed.

    What a plan ...

    Breeders is a no budget cheesy exploitation flick straight from the gutter... produced by Wizard Video for the video market back in 1986. It's directed by Tim Kincaid who also gave us the utterly trashy Terminator rip-off Mutant Hunt. With a running time of 77 minutes it's still somewhat slow moving but never boring: campy crap that is somewhat hard to resist. Lame lines, gory but cheesy special effects and 80s fashion that wills make your eyes bleed. The alien creature is just a guy wearing a black rubber suit covered in goo. Cheap? Not really. They did spend lots of cash on the lead actress' hair - she sports a brand new hairdo in every scene. Guess that is where all the money went. Beside that you will get much nudity as well. The gals, um, virgins, take 'em off at every given moment:

    A coke sniffing "virgin" who happens to be a super model gets rid of her clothes doing a few aerobic routines ...

    A nurse takes 'em off in the kitchen whiles cooking dinner ...

    A chick strips talking to her mom on the phone!

    ....

    [​IMG]

    Video: One thing that always baffled me - why can't MGM provide a 16:9 widescreen transfer for Child's Play or Pumpkinhead?
    Breeders sure as hell got one - and it is not bad looking at all.
    It has its share of grain, a little dirt and a few scratches but overall this is a pretty good looking transfer. I bet this film never looked any better before.
    Audio: The 2.0 mono soundtrack is kind of weak. Dialogues are sometimes hard to understand. Extras include a promo trailer (16:9) and French & Spanish subtitles.

    Cheap thrills for a very cheap price. If you can find this disc under $10 I would say grab it. Fun party flick.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2007
  2. Andrew

    Andrew Guest

    This movie is the definition of 70's cheese/sleaze for me. I remember the girls being okay, and I'd remember, seeing as how that's the only reason I rented the movie in the first place :).
     
  3. KillerCannabis

    KillerCannabis Slow, Deep & Hard

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    Sounds kinda CHUDish. I may have to give it a spin if I find a copy for cheap enough.
     
  4. Hellbilly

    Hellbilly Active Member

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    Actually, C.H.U.D. is a masterpiece compared to Breeders :D
    You should try to rent this first before buying, KC.
     
  5. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    They had me at naked aerobics.

    Yeah, that movie was just awful, but it cracked me up nonetheless. Also, there is something to be said for a movie with that much nudity with girls who aren't that hot. It was like bad naked, bad naked, and worse naked. I know these girls were probably hot back in the day before trainers, but dear god. Some of those asses were frightful and hence made me laugh. Yes I am 6 years old, why do you ask?

    And don't get me started on the bikini lines. Or that ending. Cause that was funny. :lol:

    Thanks for the recommendation. That was must see tv for a cheese cinema lover like myself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2004
  6. dwatts

    dwatts New Member

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    Best review ever. I want this one now. :)
     
  7. RyanPC

    RyanPC Guest

    My friend and I watched the film and couldn't stop laughing at the ending- so much so that we put it on repeat and kept watching her scream with her huge hair acting like a forcefield of some kind at all sides of her head. :lol::lol::lol:
     

    Attached Files:

  8. RyanPC

    RyanPC Guest

    Another highlight that made great use of the repeat button:

    "German man... with the dog... he--- AHHHHHHHHHHhh hahahaha!!!!"
     

    Attached Files:

    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2006
  9. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    RyanPC those pictures are great, especially the first one. It made me laugh all over again.
     
  10. Katatonia

    Katatonia Hellbound Heart

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    Breeders is a really bad movie, but still oddly enjoyable. It's one of those that's so terribly bad that's it's actually kinda good!
     
  11. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    Things I Learned from Breeders:

    Bag ladies celebrate Christmas year-round.

    The Master Plan to take over our planet involves five struggling starlets naked and massaging themselves in a hot tub filled with 40 gallons of Jergens Moisturizing Lotion.

    Virgins struggle to even catch a break during rampaging space alien epidemics.

    Asking a woman out, right after disclosing the tragic secret that your little sister was raped as a child, is probably not a conversational segue recommended by dating counselors.

    People love to stand around and watch dangerous alien creatures morph for minutes on end.

    Sometimes, even the healthy libido of a 34 year old heterosexual male can be crippled by bad tan lines and strange (read:laughable) scenes of nude aerobics.

    When being attacked by a murderous alien offspring, forget about firing five bullets into it from pointblank range. Apparently, a broken board is more effective for the job.

    "Alec" is an awkward name to pronounce. It's so close to being "Alex", and you also keep wondering if you missed hearing the "smart" that should have preceded it.

    And, when in doubt: keep your clothes on, keep your clothes on, keep your clothes on.


    *** out of ****

    Z says "check it out...[​IMG]



    .....just don't count on respecting yourself the next morning......"


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2005
  12. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    [glow=5]SPOILERS[/glow]

    Some of the Main Players:


    [​IMG]

    Det. Dale Andriotti: Our hero, who unfortunately brought a gun to a board fight. Also memorable for working a tragic rape story into a conversational moment of breaking the ice with the film's love interest.

    Played By: Lance Lewman

    Whose Acting Will Remind You Of: A poor man's Craig Wasson.


    [​IMG]

    Dr. Gamble Pace: The female lead and, unfortunately for her, potential love interest of Det. Dale Andriotti. Don't like her hair? Just wait five minutes for another style. Emoting is not her bag, although she wields a mean broken board when the chips are down.

    Played By: Teresa Farley (no apparent relation to the late Chris)

    Whose Acting Will Remind You Of: A poor man's Vanity.


    [​IMG]

    Gail: Moody photographer, forever punishing herself for making the fateful decision of choosing Thai food over watching her prized model stretch in the nude. A guilty participant of bad 80's fashion, she wears prisoner stripes throughout.

    Played By: Amy Brentano

    Whose Acting Will Remind You Of: A poor man's Heather Langenkamp.


    [​IMG]

    Dr. Ira Markum: Goes by the old film cliche that adult male characters with facial hair and squinty-eyes are a) intelligent and sophisticated and/or b) up to no good. Also a guilty participant of bad 80's fashion, he wears a sweater that appears to have been obtained at a concert for The Alan Parson's Project.

    Played By: Ed French

    Whose Acting Will Remind You Of: A poor man's Ron Silver.


    [​IMG]

    Monster:Travels light years to take over the human race and is foiled by 2 gallons of gas and a match. To add insult to burning, it is given the most non-descript, generic title/credit listing ever for a major film villian. To give props where props are due though, the creature has the uncanny ability to mimick old annoying German men, gay male stylists, and Al Pacino-wannabees.

    Played By: Owen Flynn

    Whose Acting Will Remind You Of: A homeless and broken man's Alien, crossed with the original Fly.


    [​IMG]

    NOTE: I'm still undecided as to if this is a character in the film, or just a really lazy establishing shot employed ad nauseum. I'll get back to you on that.
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2005
  13. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    Choice Dialogue:


    [​IMG]

    Gail - "Detective, Ted's a good guy. He couldn't have done it. He lives with his mother."

    (pause)

    "Detective! I guess I'm not making myself clear: Ted is gay!"


    Det. Dale - "Maybe...

    (pause)

    "..or maybe just real clever."


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2005
  14. RyanPC

    RyanPC Guest

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Great posts, Cody. Breeders is the best bad movie ever. Glad to see you enjoyed it! :D
     
  15. Luna

    Luna Guest

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    And, when in doubt: keep your clothes on, keep your clothes on, keep your clothes on.

    That is good advice for pretty much everyone, everywhere. Breeders clearly has something for everyone!
     
  16. SaviniFan

    SaviniFan I Have A Fetish

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    OMG Mission Code Z, that summary with the pictures was hilarious! I'd love to see more of that on other films in the future. Thanks for the laugh!
     
  17. DrHerbertWest

    DrHerbertWest For Your Health

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    I'm definitely going for this now.
     
  18. Hellbilly

    Hellbilly Active Member

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    :lol:


    So glad you finally gave this a spin :banana:
     
  19. patmcgahern

    patmcgahern Guest

    I'll be spinning this myself in a few minutes, will let you know what I think!

    P.S. I'm getting an extra mature cheddar smell already, although that maybe the cottage pie I just ate!
     
  20. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    Amen my friend. Amen.

    Thanks for cracking me up this moring Agent Z. That was funny stuff.
     

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