Celebrity Deathmatch #5: Chuck Norris VS Steven Seagal

Discussion in 'Reader Polls' started by satans-sadists, Nov 29, 2006.

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Celebrity Deathmatch #5: Chuck Norris VS Steven Seagal

  1. Chuck Norris

    62.9%
  2. Steven Seagal

    37.1%
  1. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    In the latest Celebrity Deathmatch event, we have:

    Chuck Norris

    VS

    Steven Seagal
     
  2. DopeChamberX

    DopeChamberX Guest

    It's all about the Chuck!!!:banana:
     
  3. maskull

    maskull I finally got an avatar!!! Yay!!

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    I'm no expert on either of them but I have to admit that I've never been much of a fan of either of them.
     
  4. othervoice1

    othervoice1 Well-Known Member

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    Don't F&&k with Chuck!
     
  5. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    Chuck is the much better martial artist and in all fairness, Steven Seagal is too slow to defend himself against the almighty Chuck Norris roundhouse kick!
     
  6. lethalkrs

    lethalkrs Guest

    This should be the biggest landslide win yet. Chuck of course.
     
  7. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    Chuck Norris. Duh.
     
  8. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    Duh?

    Isn't that the line of dialogue most uttered by Seagal in his acting career? :lol:
     
  9. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    I need to score this one out via point system, before getting to the actual tale of the tape:

    Chuck Norris gets points for:

    Lethal hula skirt drawings + 1

    Getting his ass kicked by Bruce Lee. No, seriously: that's an HONOR! + 1

    Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos + 1

    Code of Silence + 1

    Walker, Texas Ranger cheese + 1

    Being the inspiration for a running joke on internet forums + 1


    Norris loses points for:

    Being a tool for Total Gym - 1

    Walker, Texas Ranger - 1

    Being the inspiration for a running joke on internet forums - 1


    Total: 3



    Steven Seagal gets points for:

    Slapping Jay Leno, while being interviewed on The Tonight Show + 1

    Above the Law + 1

    Marked for Death + 1

    Kelly LeBrock + 1

    Laughing in the Face of Fashion + 1

    Being an animal rights activist ( see: "Mystical Dog Incident" ) + 1

    Being in one of my dreams + 1


    Seagal loses points for:

    Being a tool for Lightning Bolt - 1

    Being a tool for Mountain Dew - 1

    Getting bitchslapped by the mob - 1

    Kelly LeBrock - 1

    Total: 3

    So, out of the ring, a dead heat.

    In the ring however, it's no contest: Chuck has been staying in shape with his complimentary Total Gym, while Seagal has let a rocky life of bigamy, mob ties, poor career choices, and extra buffet servings saddle his frame and spirit with too much weight to evade the inevitable tide of Norris.

    Prediction: Chuck Norris, with a first round knockout and beatdown of Seagal with a Total Gym 1000.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2006
  10. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    Wow! I loved the way you thought this one through and your meticulous point judgement system. Could not have done this better myself.

    I totally agree with you about it being an honor getting your ass kicked by Bruce Lee. In fact many of the more famous actors to get beat up by Lee in movies were personal students of his (Chuck Norris, Kareem Abdul Jabar, etc). I've studied martial arts a long time and couldn't think of a greater honor, scary as it would be!

    Thanks for your awesome reply here! :D
     
  11. Erick H.

    Erick H. Well-Known Member

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    With all due respect,Chuck Norris is far and away the more accomplished martial artist.Chuck,all the way.
     
  12. JW77

    JW77 Support Halliburton

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    Gotta give the edge to Seagall... "Above the Law" was the best movie that either of them have ever been in.

    And Chuck Norris loses points for being the inspiration for all of the trailer park ninjas* I used to know in high school.

    _____________
    * "trailer park ninja" is a white trash guy who read "Black Belt" magazine, and had nunchuks and throwing stars.
     
  13. thrashard76

    thrashard76 Guest

    Steven Seagal
     
  14. Katatonia

    Katatonia Hellbound Heart

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    I like some Seagal films... but come on, Chuck would kick his ass all over the place.
     
  15. Hellbilly

    Hellbilly Active Member

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    That should be a + 1 because that commercial was funny :lol:
     
  16. Mok

    Mok Family is Forever

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    MissionZ, you forgot Segal gets a point for getting killed at the beginning of Executive Decision.
     
  17. Ash28M

    Ash28M Active Member

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    I've always thought I could kick Steven Seagal ass. So I would have to give it to Chuck.
     
  18. bigdaddyhorse

    bigdaddyhorse Detroit Hi-on

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    That was unexpexted and pretty cool.

    How does he get + & - for Kelly LeBrock though. She's all positive baby!:sperm:
     
  19. Mok

    Mok Family is Forever

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    Totally. At the time I was happy I wasn't about to see a Steven Seagal cheese-fest, but watching it again recently, I kind of hoped he would somehow make it into the plane. Maybe he should be in more movies as a supporting role? :)
     
  20. Workshed

    Workshed a.k.a. Villyan Shit

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    I think Chuck gets way too much credit. This is the guy who writes Christian books for children, so he can't be all that bad-ass.

    From the man's own website:

    Pshh. Steven Seagal could/should kick this guy's ass.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2006

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