Celebrity Deathmatch #5: Chuck Norris VS Steven Seagal

Discussion in 'Reader Polls' started by satans-sadists, Nov 29, 2006.

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Celebrity Deathmatch #5: Chuck Norris VS Steven Seagal

  1. Chuck Norris

    62.9%
  2. Steven Seagal

    37.1%
  1. rhett

    rhett Administrator

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    Seagal wins for that beat-down with an 8-ball in a sock in OUT FOR JUSTICE alone.
     
  2. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    Nobody has mentioned this, but Seagal deserves at least a point off for recording a blues album. :nervous: I first read about this last year in Black Belt Magazine.
     
    DVD-fanatic-9 likes this.
  3. Luna

    Luna Guest

    Norris for me, though JW77's description of his fans cracked me up. I'm iffy on the whole Bible thing, though Seagal loses a bunch of points for beating his wife.
     
  4. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    I thought I remembered reading that years ago. Didn't Seagal beat up Kelly LeBrock? What kind of martial artist beats up their wife?

    Chuck Norris would not approve of shit like that! :fuck:
     
  5. Workshed

    Workshed a.k.a. Villyan Shit

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    Chuck Norris would also most likely not approve of oral sex.

    Steven Seagal will fight anything, be it woman, man, car keys, The Blues, taxes, or a shoe. There is no right or wrong in Steven Seagal's world of fighting. All things are Enemy. All things must eventually submit. This is why Seagal would beat up Chuck Norris.
     
  6. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    :lol:

    Have you seen him lately? Seagal is a tired looking porker who would be out of breath in no time. He may be able to beat up a skinny drunk girl who is worried about her manicure, but that's about it.

    So, Chuck Norris now kicks ass for the Lord. Big whoop. He still kicks ass.

    Oh dear lord.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2006
  7. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    I'm not the least bit religious, but Chuck Norris will always have my respect for being the better martial artist...not some paunchy has-been who beats up on women!
     
  8. Workshed

    Workshed a.k.a. Villyan Shit

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    Oh yeah? Well, what about this:

    [​IMG]

    Unless ol' Chuckie is attempting to create a black hole by sucking in an impossible amount of air, I'd say he's lookin' mighty chummy here.

    I ask you, which is more frightening.

    :lol:
     
  9. onebyone

    onebyone Guest

    If I am picking the winner in a fight, I'll take Chuck and Bush Inc. over a paunchy, wife beating, seemingly arthritic, can't hold a guitar, James Vanderbeek forehead having wanna be blues star any day of the week.

    In fact, what they are laughing about in that picture is the very idea that Seagal could beat Chuck's ass.

    Of course, we all know that Dick Cheney could beat all of their asses, but that's a whole different poll.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2006
  10. Workshed

    Workshed a.k.a. Villyan Shit

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    Holy shit! :lol: I'm dying. Fine, you win.
     
  11. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    Thanks onebyone! :glasses:

    I won't even try to top that one. :lol: :lol: I strongly agree with everything you said!
     
  12. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    The commercial is funny. Selling out? Not so much.

    I haven't seen Executive Decision yet, and now I don't need to. :p

    I should have clarified: Seagal gets a point for marrying her, but loses the point for the ugly divorce and spousal abuse. Blech!

    Keep in mind guys, the research for the Norris/Seagal matchup is ongoing and a lifetime of work.

    In many instances, points that are awarded are just as easily cancelled out in the same category.

    Example: Whereas Under Siege garners an easy point for Seagal, that point gained is just as easily lost with Under Siege 2.
     
  13. JW77

    JW77 Support Halliburton

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    He does sort of look like James Vanderbeek.
     
  14. Luna

    Luna Guest

    This thread exploded in funny while I was gone. :lol:
     
  15. bigdaddyhorse

    bigdaddyhorse Detroit Hi-on

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    Oh man, somehow I never heard about this. Now I want to kick his ass.
    I probably would if Kelly would drop the restraining order, divorce whoever she's married to now, and return my calls.:rolleyes::D
     
  16. Agent Z

    Agent Z "Get to the river...

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    This brings up a whole other can of worms.

    You have a restraining order served against you from Kelly Lebrock.

    I have a retraining order also from Kelly.

    As do several men and women.

    So, if Kelly were to divorce, drop all the restraining orders at the same time, would there be an unwritten rule of sportsmanship as to which stalker would have first dibs on advancing?

    Would it come down to the senority of the expired restraining orders themselves? As in, the person who had a restraining put against them first would get the first crack at Kelly?

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2006
  17. bigdaddyhorse

    bigdaddyhorse Detroit Hi-on

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    Mine dates back to 1987/88, right after I saw Weird Science for the first time on cable.:p

    Of course since I'm more than happy with my GF Stacy, her and I would have to discuss if Kelly falls onto the "list". Since I forgot to bring Kelly up when compiling said "list", I'll politely pass my opition on to you.;)
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2006
  18. Mok

    Mok Family is Forever

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    Shit dude I'm sorry.
    I figured this movie was old enough now that this trivia was public knowledge. :(
     
  19. fceurich39

    fceurich39 Well-Known Member

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    dont really like either went with chuck norris though
     
  20. DVD-fanatic-9

    DVD-fanatic-9 And the Next Morning, When the Campers Woke Up...

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    Aarg! I'm not voting. Obviously, Seagal is less sociopolitically odious than Norris, but I would actually have fucked Chuck Norris in the 90's. And I am nothing if not able to admit I enjoy being a superficial, red blooded male sometimes. Also- I've heard Seagal is a jerk onset and once actually told Jenny McCarthy to show him her tits in an interview/audition for a film. I know she's the anti-queen of vaccinations, but I actually believe her this once.

    Kill them both... Jean Claude Van Damme is better than either.
     

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