My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009)

Discussion in 'Reader Reviews' started by KillerCannabis, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. KillerCannabis

    KillerCannabis Slow, Deep & Hard

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    It’s been over 25 long years since movie theaters were invaded by a glut of 3-D films, and now 2009 is shaping up to follow in the footsteps of the late 70’s/early 80’s with 3 new horror films opening up in the rarely-used format. In addition to My Bloody Valentine we can also expect to see the Piranha remake and Final Destination 4 do their best to (somewhat) literally cover the audience in a crimson tinge. Why it took so long for producers to decide using 3-D again is beyond me. It’s a medium perfectly suited for horror flicks, especially today’s incredibly clichéd flicks that needed a new angle to get horror fans interested in wasting $10 on another turkey. My Bloody Valentine is one of the few remakes I didn’t have much of a problem seeing done. The original is a cult classic that was vaulted to legendary status after 9 insanely gory minutes were cut from the final product, scenes which haven’t seen the light of day (outside of a few
    publicity stills) until Jan. 16th when Lionsgate releases the uncut DVD. I dig the film. It’s creepy, well-shot and has a memorable killer in deranged miner Harry Warden, all of which help the film to rise above the countless slasher flicks that were being pumped out in the early 80’s. Now, 27 years later Harry Warden has been resurrected alongside a cast of Abercrombie & Fitch rejects in gloriously gory 3-D. Surprisingly, the results are far better than expected.

    A mining accident caused by a careless employee traps 6 miners in a collapsed shaft, but once they are reached rescuers determine that the lone survivor (now in a coma), Harry Warden, went crazy in the tunnel and killed all the men with a pickaxe. One year later Harry awakens from his coma and kills 22 men, women & children before finally being gunned down by the town sheriff (played by the silver fox himself, Tom Atkins). Now, 10 years later the legend of Harry Warden has come back to wreak havoc on the town as someone donning his trademark mining suit has begun slaughtering everyone connected to the accident a decade earlier.

    I know the first thing you want to know: how’s the 3-D? It’s badass. Director Patrick Lussier was on-hand at the premiere to let everyone know that they composed just about every shot in the film to be as 3-D as possible… and in that respect they have surely succeeded. There are dozens of sight gags that had people in the audience howling, the most impressive of which were anytime Harry would dispatch another victim with his trusty pickaxe. Unlike another 3-D movie I recently saw (Disney’s Bolt), this movie was shot and composed for 3-D, so it looks much more impressive than movies shot in 2-D that are converted. This gimmick should be incentive enough for anyone to check it out because, even with a badass home theater set-up, you can’t replicate the experience at home. The eventual Blu-ray/DVD release will no doubt be rendered in the inferior red/blue 3-D system, which provides nowhere near the level of depth and dimensionality that Real-D theaters can showcase. Pick-axe deaths, gouging, blood, boobs, guns and explosions all leap off the screen and into your face. That alone makes this flick worth the price of admission.

    The cast is largely forgettable, which is unsurprising for any new horror flick made after 1994-ish. It amuses me that this takes place in an inbred mining town in PA, yet most of these people look like they should be modeling underwear in the latest issue of Maxim. I wish for once someone would cast actors that look kinda ugly, or at least more like real people. I realize they just came out of hair and makeup before shooting their scenes but it would be super cool if they weren’t so fresh-faced. I might have been willing to overlook that fact if the acting made up for it. It doesn’t. No one shines here. Well, no one except for one manly sack of veal by the name of Tom Atkins. Seriously, this guy needed to be brought back to horror in a bad way. After his Oscar-caliber performances in Halloween III (Stop the hate… it rocks!), The Fog (where he bangs Jamie Lee Curtis within 7 minutes of meeting her) and Night of the Creeps it’s amazing to me that
    no one has been dredging him up from the depths sooner to be unleashed upon today’s unfamiliar youth. His presence alone gives the film enough gravitas to go around.

    I’m not quite sure how much I would have enjoyed the film if it weren’t in 3-D. I’m sure I’ll find out once it hits Blu-ray, but I doubt my opinion will change much. This is a fun movie with a creepy killer and loads of the red stuff. It’s an absolute must to see it in 3-D, plus the better this does in theaters the more likely we are to get more extra-dimensional horror flicks. This can only be a good thing as I truly feel horror is the best genre to utilize the technology. I need to re-familiarize myself with the original before I can say which version is the best, but I’d say it’s fairly close. If nothing else, you’ll have a damn good time watching eyeballs pop off the screen, blood cascading through the air and hearts being ripped out… right in your face. Finally, something worth championing involving Valentine’s Day!
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2009
  2. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    How much screen time does Tom Atkins have in the remake?
     
  3. KillerCannabis

    KillerCannabis Slow, Deep & Hard

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    A pretty good amount considering he's a supporting player. If the movie is about 90 min long, he's in it for around 15-20 min screen time.
     
  4. satans-sadists

    satans-sadists Ghost

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    That's awesome, dude! :D I definitely plan on seeing this now. I agree with your above comments regarding Atkins. He's one of my favorite actors and his presence alone elevates any film.
     
  5. Egg_Shen

    Egg_Shen broomhead

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    Yeah, I'm actually more interested in seeing Atkins on the big screen than seeing the 3-D effects. He should be in more genre films. He's to detectives as John Wayne is to cowboys. You just believe in the guy.
     
  6. Fistfuck

    Fistfuck Slowest to 2000 posts

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    I grew up in the PA coal region. Trust me, you DON'T want to see these people on screen.
     
  7. KillerCannabis

    KillerCannabis Slow, Deep & Hard

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    If they could double as extras for Wrong Turn then you're probably right.

    Oh, and FWIW I recently watched the uncut original 1981 version and, yes, it is the better of the two films.
     
  8. rhett

    rhett Administrator

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    Just as a note - please keep all comments on this thread in response to KillerCannabis' review and not to just general opinions about first time viewings or questions about the film itself. For that, please use the already merged MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D thread.
     

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