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Hellbilly
02-07-2006, 04:13 AM
Smithville, 1986: Man kills cheating wife and her lover before blowing his own brains out ...

Smithville, 2004: Pretty babe Beth returns home from College to spend the summer with her family. She starts dating her brother Dan's best friend and is having a good time if it wasn't for the new Mailman - a chainsmoking asshole with greasy hair delivering letters, packages and sleazy comments while butchering townsfolk on the side. Beth gets suspicious while her brother finds a new best friend: The Mailman - who turns out to be Dan's brother. Yep, Dan gets informed that he was adopted as a baby because his parents died in a tragic "accident" back in 1986. Source of information and only witness of his parents death: his brother - The Mailman! Let the bad influence begin ...

"Pool sucks. When are we going to fuck?"

Terrible shot on video slasher with no gore, suspense, thrills or tension. Predictable and dull all the way but at least you get:

10 boobs
6 dead bodies
3 fistfights
2 rubber boobs
1 suicide
1 headbutt
1 shower scene
1 bubble bath scene
1 ghetto/gangsta style pool orgy
1 lesbian sex scene

Sounds kinda fun but it really ain't. Watch at own risk.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000CINYIU.01-A25UEPKZCB0F3D._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

1969, somewhere in the desert: six teens kill an Indian standing at the road ...

2004, somewhere in the desert: Pretty babe Brooke and her buddy are shooting a documentary about an ancient curse. Seems like six teenagers have disappeared from a small town without trace. The disappearence might have to do with the 1969 incident. Townsfolk ain't friendly but the two College students gather enough info to solve the mystery - with the help of an Medicine man ...

"Here's to New Year's resolutions and prostitution!"

Blair Witch rip-off with cheesy rock soundtrack and corny effects. Still, this was more fun then The Mailman. Stuff to expect:

7 dead bodies
5 nightmares & visions
1 suicide
1 decapitation
1 torn-off arm
hand-through-chest
pick axe-fu

http://maplepictures.com/data/catalogs/7/1/9/boxshot.jpg

onebyone
02-07-2006, 04:25 AM
Sounds like a double feature to watch if you really want to hurt yourself. Poor Billy.

Luna
02-07-2006, 04:47 AM
Wow, the things you put yourself through for the sake of the genre... these sound kind of stinky. :(

Hellbilly
02-07-2006, 05:00 AM
I've sat through worse but yea, those two kinda blew more or less. At least SkinWalker tried to be a bit different if you don't count the Blair Witch angle.