"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" (2012, Timur Bekmambetov)

[Uncle Jay]

I sat down and watched our 16th President of the United States of America, slaughter vampires with an axe…on the silver screen that is. And that, my fellow Americans, is the long and short of the cool factor of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", director Timur Bekmambetov's adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's cult novel (whom also wrote the screenplay).

The film focuses mostly on Lincoln's early days before the Presidency, where he witnesses his mother's death by a vampire as a young boy, to which then spends most of his coming of age seeking vengeance against the demon. In his early 20's, Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) finally catches up with the vamp and is severely outmatched and nearly killed until a mysterious stranger beats the bloodsucker and saves Abe's life. We, as well as Abe, quickly learn from this stranger, Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), that vampires are indeed among us and trains Lincoln to be a vampire hunter. Abe finds work as a stock boy in a local convenient store where by day, he focuses on politics and meets Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), the girlfriend of a local pro-slavery politician. Abe is quite taken with her and charms his way into her love life. Meanwhile at night, Abe, equipped with a silver dipped axe, is sent on different vamp killing missions by Henry, which quickly catches the attention of Adam (Rufus Sewell), the head of a vampire clan, who seems to know Henry a little too well.

We come to realize (by no surprise whatsoever) that Henry is a vampire, that was turned by Adam years ago…when Adam slaughtered the love of his life and condemned him to damnation as a blood-sucking demon. Henry has no love for his own kind, and would love nothing more than to kill them all, but he can't as vampires can not kill their own kind (a new twist to vampire lore, that doesn't make much sense I might add). You can see where this is going, predictably so. When Abe finds out that Henry is a vampire, he decides to stop the hunting, put the axe away and progress his political career. Years pass, he marries Mary and of course becomes President. But when Adam orders the death of Abe's son…Abe turns to vengeance once again. I'll stop here.

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" is an interesting idea with many interesting elements, but it fails to be told well on the screen. Having not read the book, which I'm told is very good, I can only judge by what I've witnessed. The acting: Walker may have looked the part, but fails to act well in the part, say the same for Winstead whose Mary Todd is practically a joke. Cooper, whom I thought should have been nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of Uday Hussein in "The Devil's Double", gives an entertaining performance and does what he can to save the faulty film, as does Rufus Sewell, whom you might remember as the hero in "Dark City." The vampires looks cool, the production design and cinematography are well in order. Even the story has it's strong elements at times, but it's overall boring and formulated. And someone please tell Hollywood that sunblock on vampires so they can walk during the day is a dumb and far-fetched idea! I hated it in "Blade" and it's even more ridiculous here. Director Bekmambetov is no stranger to vampires, with his two Russian imports "Night Watch" and "Day Watch", far superior films which gave me much optimism for this project in the first place, and, despite mixed reviews, I also liked "Wanted" his last feature (also a pop culture adaptation). But the ball was definitely dropped here, big time.

The film is worth a look for the curious, and vampire aficionados, but do not expect anything.

*1/2/****

[ArrowBeach]

sounds like one should stick with ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS ZOMBIES from Asylum instead!

[hots4]

It's not the best if you do watch it, watch the 2D presentation, the 3D is awful post converted crap.

[maybrick]

Most ill conceived screen adaptation EVER. What's even more jaw dropping is that the original novelist was responsible for the screenplay and presumably okayed this mess.

[Franco]

Originally Posted by hots4

awful post converted crap.