Uwe Boll report card

04-20-2005, 01:23 AM

On second thought, maybe we better not do this.

04-20-2005, 01:28 AM

House of the Dead: F

04-20-2005, 01:52 AM

House of the Dead: A+++ bring on more crap like that please.

I haven't seen anything else, but I will for sure be checking out Alone in the Dark. If it is half as bad as House of the Dead, I will be in business.

04-20-2005, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onebyone

House of the Dead: A+++ bring on more crap like that please.

Perhaps I should give it another try?

EDIT: That is sig worthy... pure gold.

04-20-2005, 02:11 AM

fceurich39 · 04-20-2005, 02:54 AM

house of the dead D-

04-20-2005, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RyanPC

Perhaps I should give it another try?

EDIT: That is sig worthy... pure gold.

I so wasn't kidding. As a B movie to laugh at, it doesn't get much better than that. Watch it with the Boll commentary and, if you have a sense of humor, you may just laugh until you cry.

chrishicks · 04-20-2005, 04:00 AM

ok, now do you want the grade to be from the normal people or from those braindead folks who just put away 2 cases of beer which was then chased by atleast 2 bottles of whiskey followed by a pound of dope? this could be the difference between an A+ and an F-.

maskull · 04-20-2005, 04:23 AM

House of the Dead: A (is for awesome!!!)

i'm waiting for Alone In The Dark to be released on DVD.

04-20-2005, 06:21 AM

House of the Dead is off the charts awesome. Not only does he get a 100% A for it, he also gets extra credit.

Alone In the Dark is a strong B+

old-boo-radley · 04-20-2005, 06:23 AM

House of the Dead: B-

bigdaddyhorse · 04-20-2005, 06:54 AM

House Of The Dead -

(haven't heard comm. could make it 4)

Alone In The Dark -

(2 and a half)

's based on how unintentially funny and # of times I cracked up or flipped off the tv.

Katatonia · 04-20-2005, 08:33 AM

I think "F" just about says it all.

04-20-2005, 11:39 PM

Uwe Boll... As in Toilet-Boll. Well, at least as far as "House of the Dead" is concerned. Sorry to jar the continuity, gang, as I'm a first-time poster (but looong time lurker), I just had to chime in on Mr. Boll's incessant cinematic raping of fairly decent video games. While I haven't seen "Alone in the Dark" yet, the incredibly foul taste that was left in my mouth after seeing the celluloid partial-birth abortion that was HotD (abbreviated for all you l337 k1dz out there on thar intarweb), I just didn't have alot of hope. And then I read Tara Reid in the credits. Oh yeah, we're really farked now.

And so my fears are for Bloodrayne, despite the farking wax-the-weasel-til-it-bleeds hotness that is Kristanna Loken. I mean come on. Ben Kingsley? Sorry, Sir Ben Kingsley? WTF?? What happened between "Gandhi" and "I'm a British knight, but I'm still a broke biatch", "House of Sand and Fog notithstanding? Oy. Michael Madsen is cool but this character is no Mr. Blonde, lemme tell ya. I love the Bloodrayne games, I love Kristanna's cleavage (and Michelle Rodriguez's for that matter, even if she'd rather do my sister), but this just has "Uwe Boll-shiat" written all over it.

And we still get to suffer through "Far Cry", "Dungeon Siege", etc. Jesus, I can see it now; "Uwe Boll's Pac-Man: Blinky's Revenge". But anyway, that's my $.02, so you can now commence with the "Hey Venicus, do us all a fovor and shut your pie-hole" comments.

04-20-2005, 11:40 PM

Uwe Boll... As in Toilet-Boll. Well, at least as far as "House of the Dead" is concerned. Sorry to jar the continuity, gang, as I'm a first-time poster (but looong time lurker), I just had to chime in on Mr. Boll's incessant cinematic raping of fairly decent video games. While I haven't seen "Alone in the Dark" yet, the incredibly foul taste that was left in my mouth after seeing the celluloid partial-birth abortion that was HotD (abbreviated for all you l337 k1dz out there on thar intarweb), I just didn't have alot of hope. And then I read Tara Reid in the credits. Oh yeah, we're really farked now.

And so my fears are for Bloodrayne, despite the farking wax-the-weasel-til-it-bleeds hotness that is Kristanna Loken. I mean come on. Ben Kingsley? Sorry, Sir Ben Kingsley? WTF?? What happened between "Gandhi" and "I'm a British knight, but I'm still a broke biatch", "House of Sand and Fog notithstanding? Oy. Michael Madsen is cool but this character is no Mr. Blonde, lemme tell ya. I love the Bloodrayne games, I love Kristanna's cleavage (and Michelle Rodriguez's for that matter, even if she'd rather do my sister), but this just has "Uwe Boll-shiat" written all over it.

And we still get to suffer through "Far Cry", "Dungeon Siege", etc. Jesus, I can see it now; "Uwe Boll's Pac-Man: Blinky's Revenge". But anyway, that's my $.02, so you can now commence with the "Hey Venicus, do us all a favor and shut your pie-hole" comments.

04-20-2005, 01:23 AM	#1
Michael Guest Posts: n/a	Uwe Boll report card On second thought, maybe we better not do this.

04-20-2005, 04:00 AM	#8
chrishicks classic is back!!! Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: MI Posts: 7,149	ok, now do you want the grade to be from the normal people or from those braindead folks who just put away 2 cases of beer which was then chased by atleast 2 bottles of whiskey followed by a pound of dope? this could be the difference between an A+ and an F-. __________________ My DVD List / My Little LD List / My DVDSpot List / My Crappy Games / Rejects Rest Stop so I tell my wife I want to see some hooters, so she grabs the remote and turns on Animal Planet Wii Friend Code: 1249 6431 9623 9624 / XBL Gamertag: chrishicks / PS3 Gamertag: chrishicks CAUTION: Objects in padded bras are smaller than they appear

04-20-2005, 04:23 AM	#9
maskull No Avatar! Boo! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Etobicoke, Canada Posts: 5,219	House of the Dead: A (is for awesome!!!) i'm waiting for Alone In The Dark to be released on DVD. __________________ Movie Tracker: 2005 2006 2007 200920102011 2012 2013

04-20-2005, 06:23 AM	#11
old-boo-radley They stay the same age... Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Saskatchewan Posts: 1,743	House of the Dead: B- __________________ Oh, the Horror! Reviews - Theatrical, DVD and VHS horror reviews, interviews and lists! Now on Twitter! MoviesinaMinute.com - Concise, efficient film reviews spanning all genres for casual fans and aficionados alike. B.A.L.L.S. Academy - Your Alma mater for teen films, raunchy, low-brow comedies, sexploitation & coming of age dramas.

04-20-2005, 06:54 AM	#12
bigdaddyhorse Detroit Hi-on Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Under a rock Posts: 11,957	House Of The Dead - (haven't heard comm. could make it 4) Alone In The Dark - (2 and a half) 's based on how unintentially funny and # of times I cracked up or flipped off the tv. __________________ "!" My Fucking DVDS

04-20-2005, 01:28 AM	#2
RyanPC Guest Posts: n/a	House of the Dead: F

04-20-2005, 01:52 AM	#3
onebyone Guest Posts: n/a	House of the Dead: A+++ bring on more crap like that please. I haven't seen anything else, but I will for sure be checking out Alone in the Dark. If it is half as bad as House of the Dead, I will be in business.

04-20-2005, 02:54 AM	#6
fceurich39 HackMaster Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Ira's Toys store Posts: 7,664	house of the dead D-

04-20-2005, 06:21 AM	#10
Noto Guest Posts: n/a	House of the Dead is off the charts awesome. Not only does he get a 100% A for it, he also gets extra credit. Alone In the Dark is a strong B+

04-20-2005, 08:33 AM	#13
Katatonia Hellbound Heart Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Missouri Posts: 16,007	I think "F" just about says it all. __________________ "Through unlit corridors of purest oblivion. Submerged in a sea of darkness without end. To feel nothing...hear nothing...for a thousand eternities." - Evoken - Quietus DVD Profiler Collection

04-20-2005, 11:39 PM	#14
VenicuS Guest Posts: n/a	Uwe Boll... As in Toilet-Boll. Well, at least as far as "House of the Dead" is concerned. Sorry to jar the continuity, gang, as I'm a first-time poster (but looong time lurker), I just had to chime in on Mr. Boll's incessant cinematic raping of fairly decent video games. While I haven't seen "Alone in the Dark" yet, the incredibly foul taste that was left in my mouth after seeing the celluloid partial-birth abortion that was HotD (abbreviated for all you l337 k1dz out there on thar intarweb), I just didn't have alot of hope. And then I read Tara Reid in the credits. Oh yeah, we're really farked now. And so my fears are for Bloodrayne, despite the farking wax-the-weasel-til-it-bleeds hotness that is Kristanna Loken. I mean come on. Ben Kingsley? Sorry, Sir Ben Kingsley? WTF?? What happened between "Gandhi" and "I'm a British knight, but I'm still a broke biatch", "House of Sand and Fog notithstanding? Oy. Michael Madsen is cool but this character is no Mr. Blonde, lemme tell ya. I love the Bloodrayne games, I love Kristanna's cleavage (and Michelle Rodriguez's for that matter, even if she'd rather do my sister), but this just has "Uwe Boll-shiat" written all over it. And we still get to suffer through "Far Cry", "Dungeon Siege", etc. Jesus, I can see it now; "Uwe Boll's Pac-Man: Blinky's Revenge". But anyway, that's my $.02, so you can now commence with the "Hey Venicus, do us all a fovor and shut your pie-hole" comments.

04-20-2005, 11:40 PM	#15
VenicuS Guest Posts: n/a	Uwe Boll... As in Toilet-Boll. Well, at least as far as "House of the Dead" is concerned. Sorry to jar the continuity, gang, as I'm a first-time poster (but looong time lurker), I just had to chime in on Mr. Boll's incessant cinematic raping of fairly decent video games. While I haven't seen "Alone in the Dark" yet, the incredibly foul taste that was left in my mouth after seeing the celluloid partial-birth abortion that was HotD (abbreviated for all you l337 k1dz out there on thar intarweb), I just didn't have alot of hope. And then I read Tara Reid in the credits. Oh yeah, we're really farked now. And so my fears are for Bloodrayne, despite the farking wax-the-weasel-til-it-bleeds hotness that is Kristanna Loken. I mean come on. Ben Kingsley? Sorry, Sir Ben Kingsley? WTF?? What happened between "Gandhi" and "I'm a British knight, but I'm still a broke biatch", "House of Sand and Fog notithstanding? Oy. Michael Madsen is cool but this character is no Mr. Blonde, lemme tell ya. I love the Bloodrayne games, I love Kristanna's cleavage (and Michelle Rodriguez's for that matter, even if she'd rather do my sister), but this just has "Uwe Boll-shiat" written all over it. And we still get to suffer through "Far Cry", "Dungeon Siege", etc. Jesus, I can see it now; "Uwe Boll's Pac-Man: Blinky's Revenge". But anyway, that's my $.02, so you can now commence with the "Hey Venicus, do us all a favor and shut your pie-hole" comments.

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