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View Poll Results: Celebrity Deathmatch #5: Chuck Norris VS Steven Seagal
Chuck Norris 31 75.61%
Steven Seagal 10 24.39%
Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 11-29-2006, 01:50 AM   #1
satans-sadists
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Celebrity Deathmatch #5: Chuck Norris VS Steven Seagal

In the latest Celebrity Deathmatch event, we have:

Chuck Norris

VS

Steven Seagal
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:03 AM   #2
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It's all about the Chuck!!!
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:10 AM   #3
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I'm no expert on either of them but I have to admit that I've never been much of a fan of either of them.
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:11 AM   #4
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Don't F&&k with Chuck!
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:34 AM   #5
satans-sadists
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Chuck is the much better martial artist and in all fairness, Steven Seagal is too slow to defend himself against the almighty Chuck Norris roundhouse kick!
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:54 AM   #6
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This should be the biggest landslide win yet. Chuck of course.
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:13 AM   #7
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Chuck Norris. Duh.
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:22 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onebyone View Post
Chuck Norris. Duh.
Duh?

Isn't that the line of dialogue most uttered by Seagal in his acting career?
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Old 11-29-2006, 04:42 AM   #9
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I need to score this one out via point system, before getting to the actual tale of the tape:

Chuck Norris gets points for:

Lethal hula skirt drawings + 1

Getting his ass kicked by Bruce Lee. No, seriously: that's an HONOR! + 1

Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos + 1

Code of Silence + 1

Walker, Texas Ranger cheese + 1

Being the inspiration for a running joke on internet forums + 1


Norris loses points for:

Being a tool for Total Gym - 1

Walker, Texas Ranger - 1

Being the inspiration for a running joke on internet forums - 1


Total: 3



Steven Seagal gets points for:

Slapping Jay Leno, while being interviewed on The Tonight Show + 1

Above the Law + 1

Marked for Death + 1

Kelly LeBrock + 1

Laughing in the Face of Fashion + 1

Being an animal rights activist ( see: "Mystical Dog Incident" ) + 1

Being in one of my dreams + 1


Seagal loses points for:

Being a tool for Lightning Bolt - 1

Being a tool for Mountain Dew - 1

Getting bitchslapped by the mob - 1

Kelly LeBrock - 1

Total: 3

So, out of the ring, a dead heat.

In the ring however, it's no contest: Chuck has been staying in shape with his complimentary Total Gym, while Seagal has let a rocky life of bigamy, mob ties, poor career choices, and extra buffet servings saddle his frame and spirit with too much weight to evade the inevitable tide of Norris.

Prediction: Chuck Norris, with a first round knockout and beatdown of Seagal with a Total Gym 1000.
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Last edited by Agent Z; 11-29-2006 at 04:50 AM.
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Old 11-29-2006, 04:52 AM   #10
satans-sadists
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mission Code Z View Post
I need to score this one out via point system, before getting to the actual tale of the tape:

Chuck Norris gets points for:

Lethal hula skirt drawings + 1

Getting his ass kicked by Bruce Lee. No, seriously: that's an HONOR! + 1

Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos + 1

Code of Silence + 1

Walker, Texas Ranger cheese + 1

Being the inspiration for a running joke on internet forums + 1


Norris loses points for:

Being a tool for Total Gym - 1

Walker, Texas Ranger - 1

Being the inspiration for a running joke on internet forums - 1


Total: 3



Steven Seagal gets points for:

Slapping Jay Leno, while being interviewed on The Tonight Show + 1

Above the Law + 1

Marked for Death + 1

Kelly LeBrock + 1

Laughing in the Face of Fashion + 1

Animal rights activist ( see: "Mystical Dog Incident" ) + 1

Being in one of my dreams + 1


Seagal loses points for:

Being a tool for Lightning Bolt - 1

Being a tool for Mountain Dew - 1

Getting bitchslapped by the mob - 1

Kelly LeBrock - 1

Total: 3

So, out of the ring, a dead heat.

In the ring however, it's no contest: Chuck has been staying in shape with his complimentary Total Gym, while Seagal has let a rocky life of bigamy, mob ties, poor career choices, and extra buffet servings saddle his frame and spirit with too much weight to evade the inevitable tide of Norris.

Prediction: Chuck Norris, with a first round knockout and beatdown of Seagal with a Total Gym 1000.
Wow! I loved the way you thought this one through and your meticulous point judgement system. Could not have done this better myself.

I totally agree with you about it being an honor getting your ass kicked by Bruce Lee. In fact many of the more famous actors to get beat up by Lee in movies were personal students of his (Chuck Norris, Kareem Abdul Jabar, etc). I've studied martial arts a long time and couldn't think of a greater honor, scary as it would be!

Thanks for your awesome reply here!
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Old 11-29-2006, 05:23 AM   #11
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With all due respect,Chuck Norris is far and away the more accomplished martial artist.Chuck,all the way.
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:21 AM   #12
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Gotta give the edge to Seagall... "Above the Law" was the best movie that either of them have ever been in.

And Chuck Norris loses points for being the inspiration for all of the trailer park ninjas* I used to know in high school.

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* "trailer park ninja" is a white trash guy who read "Black Belt" magazine, and had nunchuks and throwing stars.
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Old 11-29-2006, 07:53 AM   #13
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Steven Seagal
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:12 AM   #14
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I like some Seagal films... but come on, Chuck would kick his ass all over the place.
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Old 11-29-2006, 10:45 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mission Code Z View Post
Being a tool for Mountain Dew - 1
That should be a + 1 because that commercial was funny
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