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Old 09-05-2004, 07:24 AM   #1
Luna
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Polonia Bros.

After three months of waiting for my submission to appear, the IMDB has finally added Hellspawn to its database. Oddly enough, it's missing some of the details I painstakingly typed in, but they seem to be getting added slowly but surely. Seeing as it's one of the worst horror films I've ever seen, if not the worst ever, I gave it a vote of 1. Those of you who have seen it might also want to vote accordingly. I know I've convinced quite a few of you to buy this movie!

Aside from the people I've told already, surely I'm not the only one who's bought Spawn of the Devil (Brentwood) and was subjected to Hellspawn and Night Crawlers? I honestly don't know which movie is worse. At least Hellspawn makes me laugh my ass off now that I've seen it a bunch of times, but Night Crawlers just makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. Between the blatant stealing of Doctor Who sound effects and the laughable "night crawler" monster made of painted golf balls and brightly colored foam... I don't even know. It just makes my head ache and slowly rips out my soul. I've seen it twice, too.

I figured it would be a good idea to make one clearly marked thread for these guys and their horrendous creations. There is one thread already, but perhaps it can be merged with this one?

http://horrordvds.com/vb3forum/showthread.php?t=19120

Last edited by Luna; 09-05-2004 at 07:26 AM.
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Old 09-05-2004, 04:50 PM   #2
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I see your Hellspawn appreciation page under the misc. links on IMDB

I signed the guestbook.

Last edited by betterdan; 09-05-2004 at 04:55 PM.
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Old 09-05-2004, 04:53 PM   #3
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Screenshots.
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Old 09-05-2004, 04:57 PM   #4
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Visit the Hellspan appreciation page for beautiful shots of this ground breaking movie. http://home.houston.rr.com/luna715/hellspawn/
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Old 09-05-2004, 05:06 PM   #5
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Excuse me while I shove my fist up my ass, rip out my prostate gland, and smash it on the monitor like a grape.
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Old 09-05-2004, 05:33 PM   #6
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I think I'm going to have to get that Spawn of the Devil set now.
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Old 09-05-2004, 10:19 PM   #7
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I've updated the DVDAf with the info, I've supplied them before with submission for Among Us, Holla! If I Kill Ya and Peter Rottentail. Just doing what I can to help spread the communicable disease that is Polonia. Muahahahahahahahahaha!
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Old 09-06-2004, 05:50 AM   #8
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I also have this on that Spawn Of The Devil set. I talked to one of the Polonia Bros. via email once, but he's a very busy guy, I was told.
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Old 09-06-2004, 06:17 AM   #9
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Relatively new DVD News (god help us all), posted at B-Movie, by one of the actors involved in their movies:

NIGHT THIRST, a comedy-horror anthology from Mark, John and Jon-Boy McBride is being released for the first time in the U.S. as part of the 4-pack DVD set SLEAZY SLASHERS from Brentwood. Also included in the set are DWELLER featuring Jon McBride and Leslie Culton (more Polonia!) and the non-Polonia films PSYCHO SCARECROW and BACKWOODS. I have no idea why the last two films are included. They have nothing to do with the Polonias, Jon McBride, myself or anyone else who rocks as hard as we do. Hmph. Go figure.

Shot in the summer of 2001, NIGHT THIRST's cast is a who's who in the Polonia universe featuring Jon McBride (AMONG US), Jeff Dylan Graham (THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED 2), Kimberlee A. Gibson (GORILLA WARFARE: BATTLE OF THE APES), Leslie Culton (THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED 2), Bob Dennis (AMONG US), Mark and John Polonia (EVERYTHING) and yours truly, Brice Kennedy (PETER ROTTENTAIL, RAZORTEETH, ETC. ETC.).

Go buy it now and praise us!

Bye,
Brice Kennedy


Also, John Oak Dalton is the best screenwriter alive.
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http://forum.b-movie.com/viewtopic.p...1d07d30fa24c02



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Old 09-06-2004, 06:48 AM   #10
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Woah, I was about to purchase that anyways because of the cover... What a pleasant surprise that would have been.

If the Polonia flix are each double up on a disc for both editions you could really put together your own boxsets of these guys...
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Old 07-06-2005, 09:24 PM   #11
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I just saw my first Polonia feature Among Us about a week ago. Apparently this is a shift in gears for the brothers with John Oak Dalton writing a somewhat interesting script. The movie itself seems to be a self parody, staring a trashy horror director who wants to film a real bigfoot documentary. If it weren't for all the swearing though I'd feel confident in giving this film to any five year old. It tackles any scenes of suspense with kid gloves and any intentional humor is fart jokes.

Besides the low production values the editing is probably the worst thing about it. They used a cross disolves in stages as characters crossed a bridge. Why they needed to show that they all managed to cross a bridge I don't know. And the monkey suit is really dopey, and they play it for laughs more than anything.

What was most interesting was the making of feature they included, which was almost as long as the feature length itself. Their film productions were even more strapped for crew then film school productions. Even though it's in the credits, they don't have a sound crew. They spend a lot of time patting themselves on the back, especially the writer, and you could make a drinking game out of how many times they say "professional" throughout the video. It's as if they think that if they say it enough time it'll be true. It also showed me that I had given them far too much credit while watching it, this isn't any better than watching kids making videos in their back yards.

I've ordered Hellgate:The House that Screamed 2, Holla! If I Kill Ya and Peter Rottentail during b-movie.com's free shipping sale. I have some kind of sick twisted interest in these low budget productions.
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Old 07-06-2005, 10:25 PM   #12
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If you are in a fishy mood, might I suggest Razorteeth?

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Old 07-06-2005, 10:44 PM   #13
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I still gotta try and rent Razorteeth and Among Us. I know the Polonias are shit but they are strangely amusing and I have Luna to thank for my Polonia addiction. Thanks a lot I guess
The kid has been bugging me to break out that Feeders/Feeders 2 disc and watch Feeders 2 with him this weekend, I guess I'll give in.
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Old 07-06-2005, 10:45 PM   #14
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Darth Vader has NOTHING on Luna, let me tell you. Her powers to lead folks to the Polonia Brothers Dark Side are uncanny.

Last edited by onebyone; 07-06-2005 at 10:48 PM.
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Old 07-06-2005, 11:18 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna
If you are in a fishy mood, might I suggest Razorteeth?
The DVD for that is still way too rich for my blood. I want to see their older stuff before I get much more of their newer stuff. If these guys can continue making these movies, then anyone anywhere at any time can make and sell feature length films. Honest injian.
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